Have you ever wondered why some people just have it all? They’re well-liked by everyone they meet, financially set and attractive…but what stands out most is their beaming sense of self-confidence when they enter a room.
It’s almost as if they have a certain “presence” that gives off positive vibes.
Not everyone is this fortunate, however. There are people who are faced with low self-worth, they struggle to maintain positive relationships and often feel resentful towards people who are better off than they are.
So what’s the difference? How can one person be so incredibly successful while another person constantly struggles just to get by?
The answer lies in what I call your “Invisible Lifestyle.” Your Invisible Lifestyle is what made you into the person you are today. You were literally “programmed” with the habits and beliefs that you follow today (or refuse to follow).
So who were the programmers?
Look no further than your very own parents or guardians.
It’s true. Your parents unknowingly “programmed” you to become the person you are today. The reason I say ‘unknowingly’ is because your parents raised you the best they could base on how their parents raised THEM.
Because of the “brain wiring” of your original programmers (your parents), as an adult, you are duplicating the way they lived when you were young.
For example, let’s say you were raised in a household where both of your parents were always there for you. They took an interest and encouraged you in everything you pursued.
You grew up seeing your parents work hard every day, take interest in you and treat each other with respect. As a result, you grew up to have a successful career and a happy marriage because you worked hard and treated your spouse with respect…just like your parents.
Now let’s look at another scenario…
Imagine a life where you grew up in a neglectful household. Your parents never encouraged you or took an interest in anything you did…EVER.
Your father had a negative outlook on life because of HIS traumatic childhood so all he knew how to do was raise YOU the same way that his father raised HIM.
As a result, you grew up with a negative outlook on life (just like your dad), and you have low self-esteem because nobody took the time to encourage you and take an interest in you as a child.
Is this YOUR fault? NO! Of course not!
You did not ask to be “dropped” into your parents’ household. That is the “hand” you were dealt in life and now, as an adult, you’re living out the consequences.
In these two scenarios, you’re living out what I call “Invisible Lifestyle A”.
Stands for “ALWAYS”
“What you didn’t notice your parents doing as a child, you are faithfully reproducing today, and you don’t have a clue you’re doing it.”
But there IS one exception to this phenomenon…
Let’s say you grew up in a bad neighbourhood with an alcoholic father. Everywhere you looked, you saw poverty, crime and hopelessness. As a child, you couldn’t wait to move out of the house. You saw your parents’ lifestyle and were DETERMINED to not only be successful but be NOTHING LIKE YOUR PARENTS.
While you were growing up, you took the necessary steps to put yourself through school and as an adult; you have a positive self-image and do everything within your power to remain financially stable.
This is known as Invisible Lifestyle B.
B stands for “BUCKING”
“What you couldn’t stand your parents doing when you grew up; you won’t stand for in your relationships today.”
Those who embrace the “B” Lifestyle, do so in defiance of their family’s values. The B Lifestyle can create the “black sheep of the family” and that goes for highly troubled families or very successful ones.
Invisible Lifestyle B has taken place when an inner-city boy or girl goes on to pursue a successful career as a lawyer while each of their siblings ends up in jail. On the other hand, a child from a wealthy family could go against his parents’ values by recklessly spending and eventually filing for bankruptcy as an adult.
Now I’m not telling you to place BLAME on your parents. Your parents raised you based on everything they knew at the time. It’s ALL they knew. It’s not their fault…it’s NOBODY’S “FAULT”.
The key is to understand and accept the fact that the negative values you absorbed from your parents (i.e., fear of failure, low self-worth, jealousy) are programs literally “wired” into your brain.
And if you have enough discontent with these, it is very possible to change that programming in your adult life.
But simply knowing this is not enough.
You must find these programs and learn how to “decommission” them. In other words, you need to know what to do and how to do it, especially if these programs seem to dictate your behaviour.
Do you do things over and over that other people might call “self-sabotage”?
Are you attracted to a certain type of person you know you shouldn’t be around, yet you can’t help but feel attracted to?
The source of this behaviour is one or two negative programs from your childhood.
These programs will prevent you (or your loved ones) from a better life.
If your parents’ programmed you with some negative values that are causing you problems in your life today…it’s NOT your fault…but it IS your responsibility to do something about it.
You can start by thinking about how each situation in your life today is directly affected by your Invisible Lifestyle.
The more you discuss your childhood memories of the way things were, the more you become consciously aware of them and the easier they will be to “decommission”.
Over an entire lifetime, most people will not make the connection between their behaviour as an adult and how their parents lived during their childhood.
They will accept their parent’s values without questioning anything, never knowing the REAL reason they continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.
But now YOU know better than that. Don’t live your life with a blindfold on. Create a better future by first identifying and then eliminating the values from your parents that are causing you trouble today.